


Restless

by Healthyeyes



Series: Time Cut Short [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Ch 10 if ya nasty, Doomed Relationship, F/M, Garrus Vakarian is a Good Friend, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Mutual Pining, NSFW, Rating May Change, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, also ch 13 if ya still nasty, part of a series, romance chapters are skippable, this is mostly shepard x thane the other characters are tagged for minor parts, within canon but also not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27950654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healthyeyes/pseuds/Healthyeyes
Summary: A series of ShepardxThane drabbles, mostly set between their missions in Mass Effect 2.
Relationships: Thane Krios & Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Shepard
Series: Time Cut Short [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086827
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27





	1. A Pot of Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking for the nsfw, skip to ch 10 : )

Shepard had done a couple of missions with Thane, since he’d joined her team. She found him easy to work with, sharp with a gun and he preferred a silent, quick kill. It seemed to have helped on her missions; it helped to have someone balance her preferences for large explosions on her team. 

After tracking the politician Talid throughout the citadel, and assisting with his son, Kolyat, Shepard had gained a new found respect for the man, and secretly, also a newfound love for his voice, although she would never admit the last one to anyone. The mission had gone well; The politician had lived, Kolyat was safe, and the entire incident would be kept hush-hush.

Shepard sighed and set down the datapad she’d been reading, a magazine borrowed from Bailey’s waiting room, setting it aside on the bench she sat on just outside of C-Sec’s offices, waiting beside the glowing blue sign. Cars flew through the air above the Commons, and people passed by, chatting, as if nothing was wrong at all. It had been a while already, but she had no intention of hurrying things along. After apprehending Kolyat, commander Bailey had taken some sweet talking, but community service had been mandated eventually, keeping the incident off the books as a personal favour to Shepard. Bailey had even let Thane and Kolyat take a room in the offices, for a while, clearly needing the time and space to discuss their next steps as a family. 

Shepard didn’t know what that would mean, though, for her mission. She needed Thane; his skills were unparalleled, according to the dossier. She’d seen him in action and could attest to that. But if he were to stay with his son...well, who was she to deny a man his family while the galaxy was ending due to an inevitable Reaper invasion? Especially if his time was already so limited by disease.

Shepard looked to the doors of C-Sec as they opened. Thane strode out, his hands clasped behind his back, shoulders squared. Kolyat was beside him, looking very much the picture of his father. Both looked...happy. It was the first time she’d seen a genuine smile on Thane’s face, she wondered, however small it was, just barely tugging at the edges of his full lips. They shook hands before Kolyat left, disappearing into the busy Commons area. Thane watched him go, seemingly unaware of Shepard until he looked around, seeming to search for something. When his eyes found her, he looked a bit confused, but approached.

She wore her military dress, he noticed. A more casual outfit, it helped her blend in on the Citadel, as much as the famous Commander Shepard could, but her hair was more relaxed, in a low ponytail that hung over her shoulder. He had never noticed how long it was before, as it was usually tied up in a tight bun. A few pieces were loose, framing her freckled features and bright eyes that stared at him expectantly. 

“Commander, “ he said, looking surprised as he stopped a few steps in front of her, clasping his hands behind his back. “I did not expect you to wait for me. My apologies for taking my time.”

“Not at all, Thane. How did it go?” She asked, patting the empty spot beside her on the bench. He took a seat, both of them watching the people pass by in the Commons. 

“Well. Kolyat will need some time, but I am...hopeful. He would like to have dinner, this evening. I told him we were needed elsewhere, of course--”

Shepard cut him off, shaking her head. 

“We can spend a night here. Joker’s been whining about repairs on the Normandy anyways.” She said. “Besides, I have some things I want to pick up.”

“I thank you, Commander, truly.” He said with a nod. “You...can not know what this means to me.”

“I don’t have a son, but the desire to spend time with the ones you love...I think that’s something everyone can relate to.” Shepard smiled. Thane couldn’t help but notice the sincerity of her, the way her eyes crinkled in the corners, how her words echoed with her own memories. He nodded, unsure of how to thank her for such kindness. He made a note to pray to Arashu for her later, as thanks.

“Are you heading back to the ship?” Shepard asked, looking over at him. 

“I suppose I shall, just to grab some things, then I will rent a room for the evening near Kolyat’s apartment.” He said. Shepard raised a dark eyebrow, curious. 

“Where does he live?” She asked. He observed her; She was obviously thinking, something on her mind. 

“Fifth ward.” He replied. 

“Huh. Well...a friend, Liara, has offered accommodations for whenever I’m on the citadel--it’s way too huge for me, and is on the third ward. Would you like to stay there? There’s a spare bedroom on the first floor.” She said. 

Thane was stunned by the kindness of her. Opening her home to him, taking time to dock the Normandy...it was almost too much. He did not deserve such kindness. 

“I couldn’t impose.” He said, shaking his head.

“Thane, you’re my friend. I insist.” She said, getting to her feet. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

Thane looked up at her, and Shepard could feel something stir in her at the sight of his smile. He bowed his head.

“I would never say no to you, Commander.” 

* * *

The loft apartment was _huge_ by Shepard’s standards. She was certain Liara’s Shadow Broker skills had obtained the apartment by some questionable means or another, but hadn’t asked, of course. She had taken a liking to the place, visiting the quietness of it whenever she could on the Citadel. 

It had large floor-to-ceiling windows with a corner view that looked out on the bright artificial sunlight of the Citadel, and a large kitchen with an island counter. A flight of open stairs along the far wall led to the loft bedroom, with the guest room downstairs, both with their own attached bathrooms. Shepard had found it all too much when she’d first stepped in with Liara, used to the confines of the Normandy, but knew that Liara could have gone _much_ more opulent. 

Shepard let Thane in behind her, and the door slid closed behind them. He stepped in, taking in the high ceilings and vacant lounge area with a fireplace that sprang to life at the same time the lights in the apartment did. White walls made the place spacious, but the furniture looked comfortable, a large L-shaped couch, grey with plush cushions, looked more to Shepard’s taste. 

“I know, it’s a bit much.” Shepard said a bit nervously. She didn’t want Thane to think she was _bougie_ , of all things.

“It is beautiful. Thank you again for welcoming me into your home away from the Normandy.” He said, his overnight pack strung over his shoulder. 

“Of course. Uh...your room is just down there, by the kitchen.” She said, pointing to the other side of the room. “I’m upstairs, so just shout if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Commander.” He nodded. 

“Anytime, Thane. I’ve got some reports to go over, but enjoy your dinner with your son.” She said kindly, kicking off her boots by the door. 

“I will, Commander.” He said, following suit, leaving his boots beside hers as she crossed the wooden floor to the staircase that led to her loft room.

“I have to admit, i’m a bit jealous, going for dinner. I have too many reports to go over.” She said, sighing, her voice echoing off the high walls in the open-concept space. Thane watched as she took the first two steps before leaning against the railing. He stepped towards her, looking up from his place on the floor.

“Well, I will have to insist on buying you dinner as thanks some other evening, Commander.” He said. He could swear he saw what he knew humans referred to as a ‘blush,’ darken her cheeks before she could reply. 

“I...would enjoy that, Thane. And...please. Call me Shepard.” She said. He was surprised by the subtle movements she made. Her hand on the railing, sliding slightly downwards toward him, her pupils dilating, her head tilting slightly; all signs of...attraction. He hid his surprise with a bow. 

“Another evening, then, Shepard. Goodnight.”

* * *

Thane punched in the code to the apartment that Shepard had provided him with earlier. Dinner with Kolyat had gone well. They had talked, caught up on what each other had missed from one anothers lives, and ended with a promise to keep in touch. It was more than Thane deserved, and more than he had certainly expected. 

And now, walking into a far-too-luxurious apartment owned by the most powerful woman arguably in the galaxy, Thane could not help but feel grateful for his position in life. And he could not help but feel that thankfulness towards Shepard in particular. He vowed to himself to give her all he could in their missions ahead.

The lights were off when he entered, and they stayed off, the only light coming from the fireplace a few feet away in the lounge. Surprisingly, he could not see Shepard. He looked around as he kicked off his boots, but did not see her until he came around the corner of the couch. 

She was sprawled on the sofa, her dark hair undone, loose around her face in dark, wavy curls. Her lips were parted slightly, breathing gently, a datapad in hand with her eyes closed. Datapads were scattered about, a few more on the couch next to her, others on the glass coffee table. She was fast asleep. 

Thane could not help but feel his mind registering the moment in his memory. She was...beautiful. He had always thought so, but sleeping brought a certain peacefulness to her features that she was too stressed to show during her waking hours. Her lips were full and moved slightly with her breaths, her chest rising and falling. She wore a pair of grey sweat pants that were low on her hips, a bit of her stomach showing beneath a white shirt pulled high from sleeping, and she wore a black undershirt that left her collarbone and shoulders exposed. Her light skin was illuminated by firelight, making her hair glow with an orange hue on her soft features. How, he wondered, could one so strong and ruthless in battle, be so soft? So vulnerable?

Thane blinked, then stepped forward. He set about smoothly, taking the datapads from the couch, and slipping the one from her hand with a swift motion. He set them neatly aside on the coffee table, and removed her watch from her wrist, setting it aside with care. Seeing no blanket, he removed his jacket and lied it over Shepard’s bare shoulders and exposed stomach. He hovered a moment, folding his hands to his chest, saying a small prayer over her. He was silent, moving his lips wordlessly, save for a small whisper at the end. 

“Sleep well, Siha.” 

* * *

Shepard awoke the next morning, light filtering in through the wide windows. The fire had been turned off long ago, and she realized, staring at the fireplace with heavy-lidded eyes, that she had fallen asleep on the couch. 

She shifted, and realized something else lie atop her. It was a jacket, heavy and long, smelling oddly of cinnamon spice. Instantly, she knew it was Thane’s, and she couldn’t help but blush as her fingers brushed over the soft, worn in leather of the jacket. She breathed in the scent, sighing into the couch, embarrassing herself. She noticed as well that her watch had been removed for her, her datapads neatly piled on the coffee table, and a glass of water placed beside them within reach. Her heart warmed at the silent affection she had been afforded from the usually-aloof Thane. 

Sitting up, she looked around. She could smell something else now, becoming more aware of her surroundings; Coffee. Seeking out the smell, she slipped the jacket off her shoulders, draping it on the back of the couch, and walked towards the kitchen. 

A pot of coffee was on the warmer. Beside it, a small note, written on clean white paper in black ink. 

_Shepard,_

_I am meeting Kolyat. I will see you on the Normandy._

_Please bring my jacket with you, if you would be so kind._

_Sincerely,_

_Thane_

_P.s. Enjoy the coffee._

Shepard smiled at the note. It was so...odd. A handwritten note these days was rare. But Shepard found it charming, the old-fashioned action showing care in it’s careful scrawl. 

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she pocketed the note, setting about her day but with her mind stuck firmly on the little piece of paper in her pocket. 


	2. Belief

Shepard leaned on the counter of Mordin’s lab, staring across it at the salarian who looked back at her, his hands busy with a microscope in front of him. She was tired, but debriefing him on their last mission, since he had opted to stay for some lab time instead. It was late now, most of the ship sleeping, but Mordin didn’t seem to need much sleep. As the conversation lulled, she had one more thing on her mind. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. Mordin looked up from his microscope at her, confused. 

“Shepard?” He questioned. She sighed, running her hand over her face, annoyed with herself. 

“Sorry, Mordin, I’m tired...I was wondering about Thane…” She said. “Is there...any progress on Kepral’s Syndrome? And please, in english.” 

Mordin sighed, straightening up from the microscope and giving her his attention. 

“Still working. I have discovered a few things, but I need more time, commander.” He said, putting it as simply as he possibly could. 

“...Do we have time?” Shepard asked, her lips pursed, not entirely certain if she wanted to know the answer. 

“...I do not know. Thane is strong, commander. But Kepral’s has a way of being...sneaky.” He said, bouncing back and forth on his toes. Shepard nodded, pushing away from the lab table. 

“Thanks, Mordin. Just...keep working on it.” She said, heading to the doors. They hissed open. 

“Of course, commander.”

The doors slid behind her as Shepard moved into the hall. It was empty, and she took the moment to lean against the wall, taking a breath. She was exhausted. 

Between the nightmares about the reapers, the missions exhausting her physically, and the constant questions and demands made on her, Shepard was beyond tired. The idea that Thane wouldn’t make it through all of then, when they needed him, when  _ she _ needed him. 

It was nearly too much. 

She took a moment before Regaining her composure and walking towards Life Support down the hall. When the door opened, however, it was empty, only the regular humm of the ships machines echoing in the lonely room. Thane was usually here, so it took her by surprise to find him missing. 

Shepard felt a bit lost, but took the opportunity for a tea break, knowing she needed it, badly. Her next meeting wasn’t for another half hour, she noticed, checking her watch, and so she sauntered off to the mess hall. 

As she rounded the corner, she nearly bumped into Thane, who stopped dead in his tracks. He shielded the cup of hot liquid he carried, moving swiftly to ensure none of it spilled on Shepard, who took a step back, surprised. 

“It would seem you are the one surprising  _ me _ this time, commander.” Thane said, once he was sure he had his drink steady in hand. 

“Thane! I was looking for you.” Shepard said, giving him a warm smile, genuinely glad to see him. 

“I am honored you sought me out. How may I assist you, commander?” He asked with a bow of his head, always polite. She eyed his cup of tea. 

“How about we have a tea together? Talk for a bit?” She asked, nodding back towards the mess hall she’d been headed into.

“I would enjoy that, commander.” He said, following her in step. 

“And please, Thane, it’s Shepard, i’ve told you before.” She insisted as she rounded the counter, pulling one of the cupboards open to grab a white mug. He chuckled, sliding into one of the island stools placed on the other side of the counter. 

“Forgive me.” He apologized, giving her a surprisingly warm smile while she poured herself steaming water from the filter, dipping a tea bag in she’d fished out from the tea and coffee drawer that was always kept fully stocked. 

“Forgiveness is earned. Answer some of my more prying questions, and we’ll consider it done.” Shepard said jokingly. Thane played along though, watching as she took the seat next to him at the counter, her hands wrapped around her mug of warm tea. 

“Of course. Please, ask anything you would like to know.” He offered. She took a sip of her drink, sighing at the pleasant caffeine taste that flooded her mouth, the drink comforting. 

“Well, lets start easy. How’s Kolyat?” She said, genuine as she leaned on the counter, resting her face in her palm. 

“He is well. Bailey seems to have taken him under his wing. He is being led down a more righteous path. He has gotten a new apartment, as well, on the Citadel.” Thane said, pausing to take a sip of his own tea. “He wishes me to visit, next time we are there.”

“Sounds like you two are starting to get along a bit.” She said. She felt genuinely happy that  _ something _ good was happening to  _ someone _ on this ship. All the bad news lately, she needed something to keep her going.

“It cannot make up for a lifetime of mistakes, but I will leave this life...reassured. More so, if we complete our goals as well.” Thane said, a hint of determination in his voice. 

“I understand. Leaving behind a better world for your son is important.” Shepard nodded. “And we will. But i’d like you to be there to see it.”

He paused, then set his cup aside, folding his hands in his lap, serious as he spoke. 

“I would like that as well. But if Kalahira sees fit to take me to her depths, it is her will.” He bowed his head for a moment, seeming lost in prayer before straightening up again. 

“You...are very devout, Thane.” Shepard said. 

“Does it upset you?” He asked pointedly. 

“Of course not,” she said, waving her hand. “It’s refreshing, actually. It’s very...organic. Comforting, in a way. There were many people on Earth with similar beliefs.”

Thane was quiet a moment, studying her with those large black eyes. He was thinking, and Shepard was not one to rush conversation without need. She took a sip of her tea. 

“Shepard...do you believe in an afterlife? Gods? I am not entirely familiar with human belief, but I know there are many.” He admitted, curiosity in his voice. 

“I do not. But yes, there are many. Humans are all quite different, depending where we’re from.” Shepard smiled, thinking fondly of her planet. 

“That is surprising. People with as much hope as you seem to display, often have a belief in a higher being.” Thane said. He finished his tea, pushing the empty cup aside. Shepard snorted, laughing. 

“The only thing I believe in is my aim.” 

Thane chuckled, and she realized it was the first time she had heard him laugh at all. The sound rumbled deep in his chest, the subharmonics of his voice vibrating, making for a pleasant vocalization. 

“Well, it is certainly true.” He smiled. Shepard finished her tea as well, looking at her watch. 

“Shit, I have a call in a few minutes,” She said, slipping off the chair. “I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.”

“Please, do not let me keep you.” He said graciously. She gave him a small wave as she left the mess hall, looking over her shoulder once before she slipped away to the elevator. 


	3. First Memory

Shepard paused as the doors slid open, the view of a galaxy of stars set against a black endless background staring back at her out the glass window opposite the door in the Port lounge. Comfortable couches were arranged neatly, and while Shepard had been expecting to see Samara, sitting cross-legged as usual in meditation, she instead found Thane. He sat where Samara usually did, cross legged, his shoulders upright but relaxed, facing towards the window. His breathing was slow and even, seen by the rising and fall of his shoulders, and it was otherwise quiet in the room lit only by starlight and the outside lights of the Normandy.

He didn’t move when she entered, and she hesitated, loath to intrude on him. She had needed to speak with Samara, holding a datapad with some information about her daughter, and seeing Thane here instead had caught her off-guard. He spoke first though before she could make up her decision to just turn around before she was noticed, or to take the opportunity to speak privately with Thane. She got few such chances, and Thane had grown on her since their mission to save Kolyat from the life of crime that Thane had been so entrenched in. 

“Commander Shepard. Please, come in.” He said, his voice rumbling in his chest due to the subharmonics of his species. She had always found it soothing, the double tones, deep and harmonic.

Shepard stepped into the room, the doors sliding closed behind her. 

“Hello, Thane.” She said. “I didn’t expect to find you here. Where is Samara?” 

“Ah, yes. Samara has gone to converse with Tali, I believe. She wanted to speak about an engineering issue with her omni-tool.” Thane offered politely. He rose to his feet to meet Shepard. “I was meditating. Samara offered me the room. It is most practical for it.”

“Yes, I’m sorry for intruding.” Shepard offered. 

“No, do not apologize, I would much prefer your company to quiet contemplation at this time.” He said. She gave him a small, kind smile in return, stepping further into the room. She walked past Thane as she spoke, walking to the large window, taking in the view.

“So, how did you know it was me? You always seem to know.” She said with a bit of a laugh to her. As Thane approached to stand with her and take in the view, he seemed to stare off into the distance for a moment before his eyes began to dart, as if he were studying something not truly in front of him. She had seen him slip into this many times before, reliving memories that embedded themselves so easily into his brain. At times they were difficult. Others, happy. This kind of memory, however, was new for her.

“ _ She is beautiful. I hadn’t expected her to be beautiful. I have seen her before on the extranet, but in person, she is...different in person. Her soul carries an aura I cannot place. I watch her fight from the shadows. She is precise with her weapons, her biotics. She moves with a lifetime of practice. She greets me. Waits for my prayers. Listens to me. She is patient. She steps forward to offer her hand. I take it. I have never shaken a humans hand before. It is warm and surprisingly soft, but her grip is strong. She smells of cedar wood and wisteria.”  _ He said, his voice echoing with vivid memory before it ended. 

His eyes snapped back to Shepard, and she swore she could see something akin to embarrassment cross his features before he looked away, back out the window to the stars. 

“I did not mean to share that with you, commander. We drell can...slip. As you know, of course. I am...sorry.” He said, uncharacteristically nervous. She could see him wring his hands before clamping them behind his back. He sighed, and she could understand his embarrassment. Reliving memories in front of others that you might not have otherwise shared would be a burden. 

“Thane was that...the first time you met me?” She asked gently, still processing it. He looked over at her with a sigh, but appreciated her closeness, counting the freckles across her cheeks.

“...Yes. It was.” He replied. She was quiet, nodding. 

“Well, it’s called  _ Georgia. _ ” She said with a sly smile. He gave her a curious look, his head tilted in question. 

“It’s the perfume I wear, its called  _ Georgia _ . You can buy me a bottle for the next holiday.” She said with a wink, patting his arm before she turned and strode out of the lounge before he could reply. 

Thane was left standing somewhat dumbfounded. It was not often he was left without a smooth set of words to win the situation to his side, but he could only watch the confident walk of Commander Shepard as she strode from the room, datapad tucked under her arm. She was...interesting. And interested. And often left him feeling utterly like a fool, although he was glad for it, if it meant her attentions were focused on him. 

Perhaps eidetic memory was not so horrible a burden after all, if it led to chance revelations such as this.


	4. This Too Shall Pass

Shepard sipped at her water bottle as she watched Garrus and Thane musing over a table of weapons in the armoury. They had all been chatting about weapons for their next mission, and Garrus and Thane had gotten into an amicable argument over which caliber rifle was better for the job ahead. Garrus was taller than Thane by about a foot, she noticed, wearing his blue and silver armour and exo-suit as always--it was like a second skin to him, she knew, having asked him about it before. Something about being ‘always prepared’, she remembered. 

Thane in contrast, often wore different outfits on board the ship, often depending on his surroundings. He was sensitive to atmosphere, so here, in the armoury where it was a bit more humid than he liked, he wore a light-looking white long sleeved shirt, a pair of black pants, and a black hooded sweater, unzipped partially, with the sleeves rolled up to show muscular green forearms. 

“...And if you can find this, it might be quite helpful.” she heard Thane offer across the room. She had been happy to take a back seat to their discussion, busying herself with the ammo on the opposite wall. She returned her attention to it. 

“Well, I have a .35. I don’t think i’ll need that, will I?” Garrus questioned, pointing to another rifle on the table. Thane picked it up, balancing it in his hands with an expertise touch, checking it’s stock, barrel, ammo clip. 

“It will do. But you ma--” 

He was cut off by himself, a sudden intake of breath, sharp in his throat, until it came out as a coughing sound. He set the gun aside, and Shepard couldn’t help but look up from her ammo. She tried her best, during his coughing fits, to pay them as little attention as possible out of politeness. This was one of the worse she’d heard from him, however. 

As the coughs racked his body, Garrus’ claw found his shoulder and Thane’s hand found Garrus’ forearm, using it to stead himself. Garrus casted Shepard a worried glance, and she bit her lip. 

“Please. It will pass.” Thane managed to cough out, already beginning to catch his breath as he straightened up. 

“Thank you, friend.” He said to Garrus. Garrus gave him a pat on the shoulder. Shepard noticed that Thane did not look to her, deliberately avoiding her gaze.

“I didn’t do anything, but i’ll take the credit. You should...probably have Chakwas check you out though.” Garrus offered. 

“...Yes. I will visit her later. Let us finish here first, though.” Thane offered. Garrus nodded, and Shepard excused herself quietly, slipping from the room with a feeling of impending dread in her stomach. 

She felt restless and frustrated. She would go for a run in the gym, hidden away in the cargo hold. She needed to do  _ something. Anything. _


	5. Memories

Shepard leaned on the table, her drink in hand as she watched the others around the table finishing off their meals. The meals were better than she’d had in the military--Cerberus didn’t cheap out on their supplies, that was for sure, and she was grateful for it. 

Garrus, Samara, Thane, Tali and Mordin were all finishing their meal. It was a rare event, finding that many of their crew together for a meal, but they had all ended up in the mess hall area together. Shepard had taken it for an opportunity, bringing out a bottle of whiskey she’d gotten at their last stop at the Citadel, and poured each of them a finger. 

Relaxing, stories were swapped. Missions they’d done in the past, people they’d met. Eventually, the conversations steered towards home-worlds, and the conversation got a bit quieter. Thane and Tali listened, but notably couldn’t share in the same revelry that Samara, Garrus, Mordin and She could, recalling their favourite places with fondness. Samara had described the libraries of Thessia, their towering columns and millions of data drives, a never-ending oasis of new and old brought together. Mordin described a lake on his homeworld, where he would go with his nephew, describing lush trees and peaceful wildlife. Garrus described military life, and all the places it brought you, places you’d never thought of on your own planet as being real; rocky mountains, deep seas, islands with an unrelenting sun.

When it was Shepards turn, however, she could only think of one place that made her nostalgic. 

“My...father took me on a trip, when I was young…” Shepard began, furring her brow, remembering as she looked at her glass of whiskey. “New Mexico. It’s a place that’s quite devoid of life, you think, until you start to live in it. The sun is hot most days there, and I can remember the sweat dripping down my neck when we went hunting, but it was always so  _ dry _ , and I was so  _ thirsty _ . It was a desert.”

She saw Thane across the table from her turn his head slightly, and she knew he was listening intently. The others as well, had quieted, listening to Shepards description of her homeworld. Her eyes flickered downwards again. 

“There was sand, everywhere, tiny, granular things in great piles. It got everywhere, in your shoes, your food...There were mountains too, covered sparsely by old, dried trees, and cacti that had moved in. It didn’t look like anything actually  _ could _ live there. But at night, it came alive. Rabbits, bugs, foxes...everything came alive in the night.” She said, staring at her glass. “I remember too...there was a valley he took me to. It was deep, it stretched on for miles, carving out a path into the landscape that stretched past the horizon, taller than the towers on the citadel. The sky on Earth is blue, and there wasn’t a cloud in it. The sunsets were orange though, like the sand, and the wind carried the sand in it. We spent two...maybe three weeks out there, near the tiniest of rivers. I...I’ll take a trip back, once this is all over, I think.” 

“Here here, Commander. To Earth.” Garrus said, lifting his glass to her. The others followed suit, and Shepard gave them a warm smile, returning the gesture before they all downed their drinks. 

* * *

The group had dispersed, citing duties and calibrations to be made to something or other, leaving Shepard heading to the elevator when Thane quietly appeared next to her. She was getting better at sensing him, her biotics becoming attuned to his presence, alerting her with a small buzz in her fingertips when he was present. It was a helpful little hack Liara had taught her recently when she’d mentioned recruiting an assassin to her team. It was intelligent, using her shields to be always on, at a low level, to alert when someone entered proximity. Her right hand tingled, and she looked to her right, seeing Thane falling into step with her. 

“Commander, do you mind if I escort you to your next engagement?” He asked. “I wish only a few minutes of your time.” 

“Of course, Thane. You...don’t need to be so formal with me, you know.” She offered kindly, giving him a smile as she pushed the button to call the elevator. 

“I know your time is precious.” He nodded. The elevator arrived, and the both stepped in, alone in the enclosed space as she hit the button to her own quarters.

“As is yours. Arguably more than mine.” She pressed, the seriousness of the implication hovering between them, a constant looming presence. 

“Commander Shepard, your description, earlier…” He began, but slipped into a memory of it.  _ “She describes a desert. I close my eyes, trying to imagine everything she says, trying to live with her. It looks beautiful. I can feel the sun on my skin. I can breathe. I want to thank her, for even the imagination she had brought to me. I pray to Arashu for bringing her to this world.”  _

Shepard blushed as Thane slipped back into the current moment, sighing, leaning against the rail.

“I had wanted to thank you properly before  _ that _ occurred.” He said, sounding frustrated with himself. “For your words. I...my homeworld had many deserts, teeming with life as you described to us that Earth’s do. It was...enjoyable to hear of them, elsewhere, thriving. It gave me hope.”

Shepard studied his face, seeing the gentleness of him in that moment. He was leaning against the rail on the elevator, and she moved without thinking, letting her hand rest on top of his that had been on the rail. Her fingers traced his knuckles before settling over him, his cool skin welcome against her warm hands. 

“I didn’t know it was so important to you.” She said, stepping closer to him. He did the same, but stopped when the doors opened as the elevator stopped at her quarters. He flipped his palm over to hers, feeling her fingers against his wrist, and his against hers. He could feel her pulse heighten, and he looked down at her. He began counting her freckles again.

“It was. Thank you.” He said simply. She gave a crooked smile, letting her hand drop away from his as she stepped to her door, giving him a wave. 

“Anytime, Thane.” She said, stepping into her quarters. He let himself glance at her room, noticing a desk, a bed and a fish tank prominently in the background.

“I will hold you to that, Siha.” He said. She raised an eyebrow, surprised, seeing him smirk just as the doors closed, and she heard the elevator move down to the decks below. 


	6. Invitation

“Commander.”

“Edi.” Shepard returned, looking up from the datapad on her desk she’d been working on for the last half hour. Edi’s disembodied voice echoed throughout her cabin, calm, even toned as always. 

“May I make a suggestion?” She asked. 

“Of course.” Shepard said, leaning back in her desk chair, indicating that she was giving Edi her full attention. 

“The ship has sustained some outward damage that we cannot fix with our limited on-board resources. We have just finished a difficult mission, and I have noticed your...restlessness, as of late. May I suggest we dock the Normandy at the Citadel for the next two days, and allow for what you call, “shore leave”?”

Shepard paused, thinking.

“The ship needs these repairs, correct?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“You’re not just doing this because I’m, quote un-quote, restless.” Shepard questioned. 

“No, Commander.” 

Shepard chuckled, but waved her hand. 

“Alright, you give out the notices, Edi.” Shepard said, turning back to her datapad. It wasn’t even fifteen minutes before Shepard began to get pings on her computer, alerting her to new messages. One after another. She glanced at them, seeing their titles. Invite to the weapons shops from Garrus. A girls night out organized by Tali. Invite to dinner from Thane. Invite to the shooting range with Grunt. Invite to a bar with Jack. Hold on. She backtracked. 

_ Dinner? _

She hesitated, seeing it’s sender was Thane. 

_ Siha, _

_ If you have a moment, let’s have dinner while the Normandy is in for repairs.  _

_ Yours, _

_ Thane _

  
  


Shepard re-read the frustratingly short email over and over again, stopping finally at that single word just above his name.  _ Yours. _

She was sure it was nothing. She forced herself to look at the other messages, and reply to some of them first, but always clicking back to Thane’s inbetween, brow furrowing at the sentiment. She accepted the invitation to the “girls night” out first, then Garrus’ offer of weapons shopping, before finally replying to Thane. It took her ten tries, but she finally found her wording.

_ Thane,  _

_ I’m going to the bar with Tali and others tomorrow. I understand some of the men, yourself included from what Joker tells me, are also gathering for a ‘gentlemens evening.’ Why don’t we meet up after that? _

_ Shepard _

_ P.s. You still need to tell me what Siha means. _

  
  


She waited impatiently, refreshing her computer screen until a new message appeared. 

_ Siha,  _

_ If Garrus does not have me on my ass by the end of the evening, I am looking forward to your company. _

_ Yours,  _

_ Thane _

His message made her laugh aloud at the prospect of Garrus drinking him under the table. He wasn’t sure about Thane’s metabolism though--perhaps it was faster than she thought. They would see, surely. 


	7. Check-up

Shepard was readying the Normandy for her docking when she entered Mordin’s lab, datapad in hand as she approached his work station. He flittered around the room though, and she decided to keep herself to the edges of the room. He moved from a microscope, to a computer, punching a few things in, then back again, then over to a drip flask setup. 

“Yes, Commander?” He asked. “Very busy. Working on cure for Kepral’s Syndrome and on recent prothean artifacts we found.”

“Ah, that’s...what I wanted to speak to you about. The cure for Kepral’s Syndrome, that is. How is it going? Can I find you any further resources?” Shepard said, seeming sincere, if a bit impatient. 

Mordin paused, looking up at her from his work. She could sense him taking her in, and she shifted uncomfortably as he blinked, looking back to his microscope.

“Have noticed your...preoccupation...with Thane. Understand that he is your teammate, but…” Mordin said, trailing off. “Cannot tell if physically intimate or not. His actions are too well hidden--natural result of his training. You are professional, but a bit obvious.”

“We’re not.” Shepard said firmly. 

“Ah. Well.” He continued with a little clearing of his throat. “The cure is...elusive. Adapting one species genetics to another’s homeworld not something done easily when species are opposites, environmentally speaking. Takes time. Fear that Thane may not have the time.” He took a breath. “Suggest...enjoying time left.”

Shepard pressed her lips together. 

“I don’t accept that. Not yet. Keep working, Mordin.” She said with a sigh, rubbing her temples, feeling a headache coming on. 

“Of course, Shepard.” He nodded. “And If I may…” 

He reached under his work station and pulled out a small black zipper pouch. It rattled a bit as he pushed it towards her over the work bench. 

“Take this. Antidote for Thane’s venom. Synthesized it when he came aboard from tissue samples, just in case. Do it for all new crew members. Prolonged skin contact with drell will cause rashes. Oral contact may cause hallucinations. Pills before intercourse to offset venom, cream to soothe later if needed. Usually not.”

Shepard couldn’t help but feel a blush creep up her neck to her cheeks as she hesitated, then took the bag from him. 

“Thanks, Mordin.” She said before hurrying out of the lab, ducking her head. 


	8. Night Out

The bass pounded through the club as Shepard watched the others around her. At some point, the girls table, sans Samara who had claimed some 800 years or so of bars as being more than enough for her, had merged with the mens table. Garrus and Grunt were having a drinking contest, with some of the others cheering them on. Miranda was dancing with an unknown turian on the dance floor. Jack was ordering another bottle of booze for the table. Mordin and Dr. Chakwas had come out for the event as well, towing even Engineers Donnelley and Daniels along. Their group was small compared to the rest of the club though, which had people dancing and chatting all over it’s three floors. 

Shepard had taken up a spot at the bar, watching her shipmates dance as she sipped a glass of whiskey. She’d already had five shots, and even her biotics weren’t able to keep up with the consumption anymore; she finally felt drunk. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d let herself get so drunk, she needed to lean on the bar for support, but here she was. 

She tapped her foot to the rhythm of the beat that pulsed throughout the club, adjusting the black strap of her dress on her shoulder. As she looked around, she spotted Thane, sitting at one of the booths. Her gaze caught his, and she realized, slowly due to the alcohol, that he had been staring at her. Her attention was drawn elsewhere though too quickly. 

“Hey. Wanna dance?”

She looked to her right suddenly, seeing an unknown Turian looming over her. She looked him up and down once before nodding, downing the rest of her drink and taking his hand in hers, leading him to the dance floor.

Joker liked to joke that she couldn’t dance--and that much was true, when it came to solo dancing. With a partner though, and a bit of alcohol in her veins, she could move with the same grace she did with killing. Smooth, rhythmic movements of her hips as she danced that made Thane unable to take his eyes from her. She seemed lost in it, and Thane took the moment to enjoy the shape of her body, eyes hungrily following her as she moved against the turian who held his hands against her waist. She had chosen to wore a small black dress with thin straps that showed off her considerable cleavage and collarbone, a golden necklace hanging against her pale collarbone. Her dark black hair was let loose for once, freed from it’s usual tight bun, and it suited her, framing her face in dark waves. Her long legs were bare, save for a garter with a small knife and pistol strapped to it, that he could only see in flashes with the movement of her dress as she danced, hidden to most. It made him smirk; of course the commander would be armed, even on shore leave. 

“Jealous, Krios?” 

Thane looked to his left to see Garrus leaning into him, his breath stinking of the alcohol he had been downing for the last hour. 

“Of?” He asked, finishing his drink, setting the empty glass on the table. Garrus nodded towards Shepard on the dance floor. 

“That Turian. I can hear you.” He said, poking Thane’s chest, indicating the subharmonic grumble that he’d been unwittingly letting out. Turians did the same, a similarity between them, a low hum emitting when content or annoyed, the pitch depending on the situation, an involuntary action of their bodied. Thane, already four drinks in, scoffed, slumping against the booth. 

“She’s the commander.” He said with a sigh. Garrus looked at his glass, then signalled the bartender for another round. They had drinks in front of them in no time, no indication of stopping their evening. 

“She’s the commander,” Garrus said, nodding, his words slurring just slightly. “She’s also hot as fu-”

“I understand, thank you.” Thane said, cutting him off. Garrus chuckled and shoved him on the shoulder. Thane’s drink sloshed a bit in his hand and he glared at Garrus. 

“Don’t wait too long, Krios. Someone else might take a chance.” He said, nodding to the floor again. Thane followed his view, seeing Shepard dancing again with the Turian. It made something in the pit of his stomach burn, but he hesitated for all the reasons that lived in the back of his mind; First that he had nothing to offer Shepard. How could he, a broken shell of a man, compete with someone who could give her the life and love she deserved? Secondly, he was dying. He didn’t have long...would she be willing to give time to him, when he would be gone so soon? The questions lingered and ate at him, day in and day out. 

Thane gave Garrus a glance before finishing his drink in a single gulp. Garrus raised an eyebrow plate, watching as he rose from his seat. 

“Thank you, Garrus. Have a good evening.” He said, swaying a bit in his step as he strode from the table. 

Shepard looked up from the Turian she danced with, feeling his chest against her back as they moved in sync. What she saw though made her stop, excusing herself from him. She watched as Thane was walking away from the group, towards the club entrance. He was leaving. 

Shepard hesitated a moment, looking at the rest of her party. Everyone was busy, preoccupied with one another, chatting, or dancing. Shepard took it as her chance to slip away unnoticed after the drell, grabbing her purse. 

He was quick, but she could keep up, even while drunk. He walked through the doors to the club, and she barely caught him slip into the shadows of a nearby alley, avoiding the lines of people waiting outside the club to get in. Their faces blurred together as she moved past them all, slipping into the alley after Thane. 

She followed the narrow path, and rounded the only corner to the left. Thane was nowhere in sight, and she hesitated, looking over her shoulder behind her, biting her lower lip. 

When she turned back, she nearly jumped out of her skin, clutching her chest. 

“Thane!” she exclaimed. He stood inches from her, having seemingly appeared out of thin air in that quiet way he always did. She hit him on the arm, and his stoic expression softened. 

“Don’t do that!” She said, a smile crossing her features even though she tried her best to appear angry. He chuckled a bit.

“You followed me.” He said, looking at her pointedly. This close, she could see his pupils, green gems hidden behind a screen of black, the lights of the citadel reflected in them. She studied him, pondering a moment on how to reply to the observation. 

“Yes. I was...wondering if you wanted to get dinner?” She asked, looking up at him. Thane felt his heart hammer, and he felt as if his soul wanted to reach out to her at the suggestion. She  _ wanted _ to spend time with him. She had pursued him. He slowly, wordlessly, closed the gap between them, reaching out with his hand to brush against her bare arm. 

“I do not hunger for food, Siha.” He said, leaning down to brush his lips against hers as he spoke. Shepard’s breath caught in her throat as his hand found her waist, pulling her into him. She closed the milimeters between their lips, letting herself and any inhibitions she had go. 

His lips were cool compared to hers, but he tasted of cinnamon and salt and liquor, and Shepard found herself lost in it as he pulled her close, his other hand going to her hair. She sighed into his lips as she found her back against the wall of the alley, weaving her hands around his neck, urging his hungry kisses closer. His forked tongue found hers, and she found it stronger than her own, dominating her in passionate breaths. He gripped her hair in a fist, tugging, eliciting a sound from her lips that made Thane growl against her. Shepard was lost in him, his taste, his scent, the feeling of his strong hands against her...it was almost too much, until he pulled away, breathless. 

“Siha. May I walk you to your apartment?” He asked. 

Shepard, blushing furiously, nodded, blurting out the words as she kissed him again. 

“Please.”

* * *

Shepard felt...odd.

Straddled atop Thane on her couch, his hands running against the bare skin of her thighs, pushing her dress up, she felt a dizzying sensation she couldn’t equate to the alcohol. He had his shirt undone, and Shepards hands were all over him, kissing his neck frills as he sighed at the touch of her lips and hands against his skin. He mumbled in a low tone, saying words her translator couldn’t quite pick up, but the sound of it made a rumbling that she could feel as vibrations against her skin. She could feel him harden beneath her, and she grinded against him, licking the sensitive skin at the crook of his neck, eliciting more of those deep tones from him that sent pleasure to her core.

Again, a wave of dizziness floated around her, and saw the walls moving in a circular pattern, mising with the low lights in her apartment, like a kaleidoscope. There was something she had forgotten. Something important.

“Hmm...Thane.” She mumbled, pulling away from him, leaning back a moment with a furrowed brow. 

“Siha.” He said, breathy, heavy eyes lidded with desire looking up at her. 

“I think...I forgot something.” She said. Thane stopped his hands, looking up at her, a confused expression on his face as he suddenly looked more aware, searching her eyes. 

“Mordin told me something. But I can’t remember what.” She said, pondering, her gaze shifting around the room. Thane studied her a moment, then realization crossed his features. 

“Oh,  _ Kalahira _ , you’re high.” Thane cursed, his eyes wide as he took her face in his hands. Shepard looked at him, then started to giggle. 

“Oh, shit.” She said, her giggle turning to a full laugh, her hands cupping his face. “The venom! I forgot the medication!”

Thane laughed, kissing her once more. They both knew it wasn’t serious, just an inconvenience. Still though, Thane shifted politely, and Shepard took a seat beside him on the couch instead of in his lap. 

“I’m going to find the medications. Stay here. Try not to move too much.” He advised. 

“Why not?” She asked, curious. 

“...Try, and find out.” He said, standing and chuckling at her indignation.

She tried to stand up, and instantly, the ground beneath her feet turned to a grass field, moving and shifting. She was certain she was in her apartment, just a few seconds ago…

She looked up at Thane, then relaxed back into the couch. 

“Point taken.” She said with a chuckle. He nodded, and disappeared in her apartment towards the bathroom she pointed him towards. Shepard sunk into the couch, relaxing, her head on the arm and stretching her legs out on the creme coloured sofa. He managed to come back a moment later with a glass of water and the little black bag that Mordin had given her. 

She took both from him, then looked at Thane again as he sat beside her. The green of his skin seemed more vivid than normal, and some of his features seemed to be exaggerated. She took the medication, with a bit of help from Thane in opening the bottle, then sunk back down, laying her head in Thane’s lap. He took instantly to playing with her black hair, and she closed her eyes, the patterns on her ceiling too much for her to look at. 

“Thane?” She asked. 

“Yes, Siha?” He replied. 

“How often does this happen to you. Getting girls so high you can’t even sleep with them.” She asked. Thane’s laughter was like music to her ears, the double-tone of it echoing off the high ceilings. He brushed her hair with his hand, letting his laughter die down as she looked up at him. 

“It has happened once or twice.” He admitted.

“It’s kinda fun though.” She said, holding out her hand, watching the subtle colours of her skin change from pink to purple to blue, the venom still quite active in her blood. She knew she was not blue, like an asari, but it sure as hell looked like it. She closed her eyes again. 

“So I’ve heard.” He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger. She admired his gentle smile as she relaxed, closing her eyes again. 

“And relaxing.” She said, her other hand finding his, her own fingers dancing over his palm, enjoying the sensation as she felt tiredness from the alcohol and the venom beginning to overtake her. Her muscles had loosened, and she felt a calmness overcome her. 

“Hmm. Go to sleep, Siha. I will be here.” She heard Thane say as she drifted off, the feeling of his hands in her hair as she fell into a deep sleep. 

* * *

She awoke to see Thane, lying on the couch with her on top of him, both of them still clothed, nestled between his legs, lying on his chest. He was sleeping, a pillow behind his head, his arms around her. Shepard lie there, letting the memories of the night previous wash over her as she slowly awoke, noticing the simulated sunlight outside dawning on the citadel, light beginning to pour in through her windows. 

Shepard didn’t want to move from that moment, where she could pretend that there were no reapers, no collectors, nothing but her and Thane in that moment. Instead, she lied her head back down on Thane’s chest, listening to his even breathing as he slept, treasuring the moment of peace she had with him. 

Eventually, he began to shift, and his hands moved from her back to her hair, brushing the long strands. His voice rumbled, still heavy with sleep, and she found it even more desirable sounding than usual. 

“Siha. How are you feeling?” He asked, the vibrations rumbling through his chest that she lie on. She sighed. 

“That was probably the best nights sleep i’ve had in a while.” She said. Thane hummed agreeably, but was quiet again, twisting her hair between his fingers. 

“I fear I may have had too many drinks.” Thane grumbled. She chuckled, and shifted, lifting herself from him and disentangling herself from his legs. He was loath to let her go from him, but watched as she stretched in the morning light, enjoying her muscular arms and curvy hips. His eyes followed her as she went to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water that she held out to him. He took it, about to voice his thanks when a chime sounded, and Edi’s voice followed. 

“Commander Shepard, you have been requested on the Normandy for repair reviews.” She said. “Thane, your son has sent you a message as well.”

“Thank you, Edi.” Both of them said at the same time. Shepard was the first to sigh, a hand on her hip as she dismissed a notification on her omni tool. People were bothering her already at this early hour. 

“Duty calls.” She said, holding her hand out to Thane. He took it and rose from the couch with her pull, but she didn’t let go of his hand. He leaned down and tenderly pressed his lips to hers for just a moment, a sweet memory to sustain them both until the next time she could join him.


	9. Close Call

Shepard couldn’t stop pacing. Two days out from the Citadel and she had already had another close call, running into a hoard of husks on an exo planet outside the Horsehead Nebula. None of them had expected to see them there; they were investigating some old ruins Liara had scanned for earlier. The most they had expected to find were relics. Shepard had found another small death waiting for her, though.

* * *

The husks had come from the water. It made Shepard to shiver thinking about it now, the way a hand had grabbed her ankle, dragging her under in one swift motion. They had pulled at Liara as well, but she had enough warning from seeing Shepard disappear under the black water to ready herself. Shepard only saw a shuffle between Liara and the husk, and heard her name being shouted by Thane and Garrus, as she sank below the surface. 

Shepard hadn’t been able to grab a full breath of air before being pulled down, and as she looked up at the surface, she could see the light from above beginning to fade. She felt her remaining air running out as she tried her best to kick the husks off of her, but her suit was too slow in the water, weighing her down. Of course she hadn’t taken her helmet, not expecting this level of threat. 

Shepard struggled, bashing one of the husks with the end of her rifle. He drifted off of her, but began to swim back, another on her ankle continuing to drag her. She couldn’t take both of them in the water. She twisted, turned. The last of her air escaped her lungs. 

Shepard let the husks drag her down into the darkness. 

* * *

Thane had seen her disappear below the surface, and his heart sank with her. They were being surrounded on all fronts by husks and cannibals, attacking in relentless waves, alerted by the gunfire that Liara had sounded off when one had attempted to drag her into the deeper waters and below, just as Shepard had been. It had been over thirty seconds, and she still hadn’t come back up. Thane’s stomach clenched. 

“Shepard!” He roared, shooting two husks in the head. They didn’t seem to be stopping, and Garrus and Liara had taken up defensive positions on the shoreline against a few large boulders. Thane shot another husk, sending it dead into the shallow water before he growled, tossing his gun to Garrus. 

“Cover me. I’m going after Shepard. She’s been under too long.” He said, throwing his other gun to Liara, letting them defend. He stripped his jacket before he dived into the deep, dark area of the uneven waters. 

Thane was made for this environment. His webbed fingers and his tri-chambered heart made for underwater excursions easily, though it was not advised for someone this far along with Kepral’s Syndrome. Still though, his breath could outlast a humans.

He dove, his eyes open and alert in the darkness, until he finally found her. She wasn’t moving, her body floating in the water with a husk still dragging her down to the depths. His stomach dropped. 

He moved quickly through the water, an excellent swimmer even with his heavy boots. He kicked the husk off, and quickly grabbed Shepard around the waist, swimming up and away from the husks towards the surface. 

He broke the water, and was pleased to find that Garrus and Liara had taken care of the husks on the ground. Thane was quick, getting to the shore, carrying Shepard’s limp form in his arms. Garrus rushed ahead, taking her from him, and Liara supported him as he coughed, the breath he had been holding burning his lungs, making him stumble in the knee-deep water. 

Garrus began CPR on her, pushing down on her chest with strong hands, and soon she was coughing up the water that had filled her lungs. Thane and Liara watched from the edge of the water as Shepard threw up on the beach, panting, heaving back into the living world, Thane catching his own breath, chasing away the spots in his vision. 

Garrus’ hand was on Shepards back, helping her sit up, as Liara and Thane joined them, sitting down in the sand around her as she groaned, rolling over onto the clean sand. 

“I didn’t want to go swimming today.” 

Liara chuckled. Garrus smiled. Shepard grinned up at them, but couldn’t help but avoid Thane’s gaze; he looked tired, broken. She noticed him still coughing. Soaking wet. Her eyes widened, horrified. 

“Thane, you didn’t--” 

“I am the best swimmer, after all.” He smiled at her. Shepard couldn’t help but feel wrong about it, seeing him looking so tired now, coughing every few seconds.

“That you are. He saved you.” Liara said, patting Thane on the shoulder, looking to Shepard. 

“Extraction is on their way.” Garrus said, tapping his omni tool. Shepard felt the relief as she collapsed back into the sand, absolutely exhausted.

Dying and coming back to life tended to do that to her. 


	10. Prayer In A Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very NSFW ahead

Shepard cleaned house, of course. Garrus had called her a cheat, Jacob had cursed (and he  _ never _ cursed), and Jack had said she was going to make her “eat her giant fucking cock,” a somewhat terrifying prospect to Shepard. Truth of the matter was that Anderson had been playing poker with her since she’d joined the army at 18, already a good friend of her fathers. Every holiday she was away from home was spent with a beer, a pack of cards and all of their hard earned credits up for play. She was certain Anderson had let her win a few times. 

“Sorry, everyone. I’m out for the night.” Shepard said, tossing her hand in, happy with her winnings. 

“Ain’t even gonna give us a last chance.” Garrus said, shaking her head. 

“I gave you several.” She rolled her eyes, rising from her seat. Six drinks in, and she swayed slightly, just a bit tipsy. Biotics could handle a bit more than normal humans, but on an empty stomach, it was a bit much for her.

“Get outta here, commander, give the rest of us a chance!” Jacob hassled. Shepard laughed and waved them all goodnight as she made her way from the lounge. 

The time with her friends had lightened her mood considerably. She felt less pent up and antsy then before, the drink in her veins helping to relax her as she took down the hallway at a leisurely pace, intending to head to her quarters.

She hit the button for the elevator, waiting patiently, rocking back and forth on her toes when she looked down the hallway. Life Support was a few steps away.

The elevator rang, a small ‘ding!’ echoing in the empty hall, as Shepard looked from it, then back to Life Support. She looked at her watch, then seemed to make up her mind. 

Turning on heel, she approached the section, the door sliding open. She looked around, and saw Thane look up from the book he had been reading, surprise showing on his features. She studied him a moment, appreciating the strong jawline and emerald-toned skin, and she noticed he was in casual clothing, his leather jacket hung on the back of his chair. He wore his tights as usual, but with a cotton tunic shirt that had a low neck, showing off the gold necklace that rested against his strong pecs.

“Siha?” He asked, surprise in his tone. 

“Hello, Thane.” She said, stepping into the cabin. The door closed behind her. 

“...you smell lightly of liquor. And...the others?” He asked, head tilted to the side. Shepard chuckled, leaning against the wall as he set his book aside. 

“I stumbled upon a poker game in the lounge. I won a couple rounds.” She said with a laugh. Thane couldn’t help but enjoy the tone of it. “What are you still doing up?”

“Reading. I picked up a few new novels while we were in the Citadel.” He said, looking up at her with a raised brow. “So, you won a few rounds of poker, then...decided to visit me? In the middle of the night?”

She understood the implication, and was certainly going to get to that, but she knew she needed to get her worry off her chest first. She smiled, but shifted nervously. 

“We have not had the time to talk, and there is something else on your mind,” Thane said, noticing immediately her discomfort. “Come, sit, Siha.”

Shepard nodded and took the seat across from him, and he offered her hand to her as she did. She took it in hers, and busied herself with tracking the patterns of his cool, smooth scalene skin on the back of his hand. 

“I wanted to talk about the mission.” She said. The rawness of it all ate at her, seeing Thane utterly exhausted on the beach, coughing, blood from his mouth trickling down the corner of his lips. She could remember Garrus carrying her in his arms back to the ship while Liara helped Thane, his arm over her shoulders as his coughing had continued. The sound of it had echoed in her dreams for the last fortnight, even though it had subsided long before.

“I understand, it did not go how any of us had expected.” Thane said, pursing his lips, turning in his chair to face her better. “We...nearly lost you, Siha.”

Shepard could see the worry on his face, and she reached out to him across the table, her hand brushing against his jaw. He nuzzled into her hand affectionately, kissing her palm. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but...You shouldn’t have gone after me. You’re not in any shape to be doing breathing tests. I need you to take care of me by taking care of yourself.” Shepard said seriously, even though her concentration abilities were tempered by alcohol, and she found herself staring at his lips.

“Siha, I would follow you to the deepest depths, if need be.” He said, standing from his seat, approaching her around the table. He enjoyed Shepards watching gaze as he brushed a piece of her dark hair from her face, his fingers brushing against her jaw, then lightly against her lips as he felt her breathe in sharply at the action, her black pupils dilating. He removed his fingers and replaced them with his lips, leaning over to her seated height.

His kiss was slow and sweet, achingly tender, and it made Shepard sigh into him, fingers brushing against the frills on his neck as she reached up to him. He hummed, the subharmonics of his voice vibrating in his chest beneath her hands. His hands smoothed down her neck and arms, feeling the softness of her skin he was so unfamiliar with. Shepard stood as they kissed, and Thane wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close against him as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. The moan that escaped her lips made Thane’s blood coarse. 

Shepard was the first one to pull away, however, pushing lightly on his chest to get his attention. He looked down at her, and noticed her eyes heavy with desire, breathless. 

“Come to bed with me.” She said, pulling at his hand. She didn’t want to think about losing him again, and how soon that day may come; She only wanted to think about the way that he tasted and felt against her. 

“If you’ll have me.” He said, his voice low, letting her lead him from Life Support towards the elevator. 

“Well, we didn’t get to finish our evening, earlier, on the Citadel. And I adequately planned for this ahead of time.” Shepard said, leaning into him. She felt his hand snake around his waist, fingers dancing around the waistline of her sweat pants near her back, just beneath her light, cotton shirt. It sent a chill down her spine. 

“No, we didn’t.” He said as the elevator arrived. An air of anticipation hung between them, and as the doors closed, she felt Thane’s fingers making small circles against her skin. He leaned down, placing a few kisses on the skin of her neck, exposed thanks to the v-neck she wore. It made Shepard’s knees weak, and he pulled her into him, his strong arm supporting her as his kisses found her ear, just as the elevator made a “Ding!” sound. 

Shepard looked up and chuckled, punching in her door code before it hissed open. Thane had relented, waiting patiently until they hurried into her quarters, hand in hand.

He was on her again quickly, and she was pushing his jacket off as they kissed. The alcohol still in her veins made her world spin, but it wasn’t the same uneasy feeling that his venom had brought before. It was pleasurable, adding a freedom to her movements that she usually resisted, but still very much in control. 

She let him push her against the walled fish tank, her hands pushed his shirt off, running over the ridged part of his neck near the back that ran along his spin, finding him smooth and cool to the touch, a different experience than what she was used to. He was strong though, she noticed, his muscles lean as he pressed against her, hands pushing her own shirt up over her head as his lips moved from hers to her neck again, kissing the sensitive skin and nipping at her, eliciting a moan from her lips. In response, Thane growled, the sound of his voice rumbling in his chest, his hands pinning hers over her head against the fish tank. 

His teeth, sharper than humans, she noticed, grazed her skin, and she rolled her hips forward, pressing into Thane’s thigh that he held between her legs, her breath bated as he took his time, kissing her neck and collar bone. He could feel the heat of her against his leg, her breaths catching in her throat as he worshipped her skin, biting and soothing with a kiss until his lips found hers again. She moaned into his lips as he let her hands go, fluttering immediately to his pants buckle.

“Eager, are we, Siha?” He asked, speaking between kisses, amusement in his deep voice. 

“Yes. Help me with these stupid things.” She said, tugging at his pants. He chuckled again, and he removed it with familiar ease, tossing the tight-fitting pants aside, and Shepards hands were against him, brushing against his abdomen and hip bones, following the black lines of his skin with admiration in her eyes. Thane watched her a moment, his hands tenderly moving to her hair, taking out the clip in the back and tossing it with his clothing. Her dark locks fell, framing her face, and Thane was hit with the scent of her, strong tones of wisteria and cedar again, enveloping and comforting him. 

They moved together across the room to her bed, Shepard going down first, landing on her back with a simple push from Thane. She chuckled, and Thane looked down at her, admiring the swell of her breasts and the softness of her. He reached out, hovering over her with a hand supporting him against the soft bed, finding her lips again as he palmed her breast through the thin fabric of her bra. She did it again, moaning into his lips, and it sent a wave of pleasure to his abdomen as he moved between her legs, pressing his hips against hers. He knew she could feel his length, hardened against her, by the way she moved her hips, grinding against him as his forked tongue found hers. 

Shepards hands found his cock, and it was his turn to moan, letting it turn into a growl as Shepard teased him, her hands soft around him. Thane had known humans to be dexterous, but the way Shepard moved her fingers against him was obscene, driving him wild with want as she explored the feeling of him. She had known what to expect, having looked up a few notes on drell anatomy previously, and the very handy pamphlet from Mordin, but the sensitive skin on his cock still felt different in her hand, and she let herself get used to him as her lips left his, pushing on his shoulder with her free hand. She kissed the sensitive red skin on his neck again, and he sighed, leaning back into the sheets as Shepard’s kisses trailed lower, following the black stripes on his skin.

When her lips moved against the softer red frill, near the head of his cock, kissing lightly, Thane’s gasp was like heaven to Shepards ears as she teased him, licking up and down his thick shaft. Her tongue worked against him, and she glanced upwards, catching his eyes before she took the head of him in her mouth, her lips wet as she felt the frills along his head in her mouth. He groaned and his hands entwined with her hair, gripping it firmly. It made Shepard moan against his dick as she set a pace, and noticed when Thane’s hips bucked against her lips at the sound.

Shepard’s tongue was textured, Thane noticed, and it sent pleasure down his spine in shivers as she licked the soft red frills of his cock, her tongue swirling around his head. He leaned his head back, enjoying the feeling as she worked on him, feeling every stress and worry leave his body, his fingers twirling around her dark locks. To her, his cock felt different, ridged up the shaft to his head, but she enjoyed the feeling of him hitting the back of her throat, moaning on him as her saliva dripped down her chin. He would have let her go on, but Thane had his own ideas in mind, things he wanted to try with a human he had only read about and seen videos of. He wanted to see the pleasure on Shepard’s face. 

Tugging lightly at her hair as he leaned on his elbow, Shepard removed her mouth from his cock, a string of spit trailing from her mouth to his head as she looked up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. Her chest heaved as she breathed and he registered the moment in his memory, wanting to remember her every feature for the rest of his days. He moved his hands from her hair to her waist, pulling her up to the bed, flipping her over with strong arms. Her dark hair splayed out beneath her, contrasting against the white sheets, and Thane kissed her again, unable to resist the fullness of her lips and the feeling of her tongue against his. 

Kissing Thane was always a bit different. His forked tongue, for starters, meant new sensations when his tongue massaged hers, his hands finding her warmth. His fingers touched her clit through her underwear, moving in small circles, and it made Shepard gasp at the sudden sensation, the sound of it making Thane groan into her kiss, the sound of it vibrating against her chest. He palmed her, the pressure maddening, until he finally pushed her panties aside, fingers feeling the wetness of her. 

This was something new to Thane, the wetness of human females. Drell women were not the same in this regard, but he found it pleasurable in a new way, the warm wetness of her in his hand as she grinded her hips against his hand made his dick twitch against her leg. She moaned into his lips. 

“Thane...please.” She breathed. The sound of her voice against his lips made him unable to resist her, his fingers pressing inside of her, and the sound it elicited from Shepard was enough to drive him mad. His lips moved from hers, trailing to her neck as he fingered her, readying her for himself with deft fingers.

“Siha, you are beautiful.” He said, biting at the soft skin at the crook of her neck and shoulder and then soothing over it with a flick of his tongue and a kiss. 

“Thane...I want…” She said, her breath short and caught in panting as her hands flitted over his abdomen, her fingernails raking over his scaled skin.

He removed his fingers from her, and she cried in frustration, her hands pulling him closer as he chuckled. He moved her panties off, pushing them down as he kissed her neck and chest. She undid her bra, reaching behind her a moment, tossing it aside with her panties, enjoying the way Thane watched her body as she undressed. 

He moved over her on the bed, massaging her legs with his strong grip as he pushed them apart and moved against her, his cock teasing her entrance. Shepard’s hands clutched at the bedsheets as he moved his cock against her entrance, his head hitting her clit and driving her mad with want, moving her hips with a moan. When he finally pressed into her, Shepard gasped at the feeling, the ridges on his cock giving her a new sensations that made her pupils dilate and her fingers dig into Thane’s arms. He looked worried for a moment until she began to move her hips against him, knees hooking over his hips and urging him closer. 

He set about at an easy pace, reveling in the warm, tight sensation of her pussy around his cock. His hands rang along her legs, then her breasts, as she pressed her hips into him, staring up at him from the bed with heavy lidded eyes. Her mouth was open, panting with each thrust, and he let out a growl as she squirmed beneath him, the view of her searing into his brain, reckless and wanton. His fingers dug into her hips and his pace increased, and Shepard cried his name in response, followed by a string of curse words, biting her bottom lip. Shepard knew what would happen next, but she hadn’t fully expected it. 

Thane’s cock  _ expanded _ , thickened, inside of her, a sign he himself was close to the edge of his pleasure, according to the pamphlets. The walls of Shepard’s pussy tightened around him, and she moaned at the sensation of him, the frills and ridges of his cock as he moved making her move against him in rhythm. His fingers pulled at her nipples as her name fell from his lips, the hum of it reverberating in his chest as he sighed, the feeling her soft skin beneath his hands. When one of his hands moved to her clit, she lost all self control, letting the waves of pleasure roll over her. As she came, so did Thane, releasing in her with a groan, leaning over and burying his face in the crook of her neck as he thrusted a few last times, breathing heavily. 

Shepard was delirious with pleasure, her entire body feeling loose and satisfied as Thane’s weight pressed on her. His kisses found her neck, pressing sweet lips against soft skin with tender words whispered in her ear in a language she couldn’t understand, and her translator couldn’t pick up either. It still made her smile though, and she moved her arm as Thane removed his cock from her, letting him rest beside her on the soft bed. He stayed close though, their legs entwined and his hand lied across her waist, drawing circles on her hip. They were quiet, enjoying the moment in each others arms. 

“What did you say? Just now?” Shepard whispered, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes were closed as he spoke quietly, Shepard’s hand resting on his arm. 

“It was my peoples ancient language, a prayer,” He said. “Thanking the heavens for you. It is...tradition, after bonding, for the first time with a mate.” 

Shepard’s smile stayed on her lips as she looked over to him. His eyes opened slowly and locked with hers, both of them studying one another’s face in the calmness of her room, lying on soft pillows. They felt a million miles away from the Normandy, Shepard wondered, enjoying the feeling of his muscles beneath her hands. 

“We don’t have anything like that, as far as I know. It sounds beautiful, having such faith.” She said, her hand cupping his cheek. He kissed her palm, staring at her.

“It is when you have much to be thankful for.” He said, leaning in and kissing her again. 

His lips were soft and wanting, his tongue brushing against her bottom lip. Shepard kissed him back, and was surprised when he pulled her close again, his length hard against her. His stamina, she was reminded, was that of a drell male, not a human male. Multiple orgasms were just another part of their anatomy she’d read about. An impish grin crossed her features.

“Apparently, so do I.” Shepard said, chuckling into his kisses as he trailed them down her neck. 

“Human men cannot appreciate what they cannot experience. Let me appreciate you, Siha.” He said, glancing up at her as his kisses found her abdomen, then her hip. She smirked, leaning back in her pillow as Thane’s fingers trailed over her thighs.

“Appreciate away.”


	11. Observations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil' Thane chapter bc i like writing him a lot, also i love Tali more than life byeeeeee
> 
> p.s. merry chrimbus

Thane watched the cargo bay below through the viewing window on the floor above, observing the small gathering that had come about there. Grunt and Shepard were in the middle of a circle of engineers and cargo crew, plus Jacob, Garrus and Jack. Jacob and Garrus seemed to be exchanging bets, while Jack shared a bottle of something with a cargo crew member, watching perched atop a shipping box. 

He watched with an amusing smile as he could see them cheering as Grunt and Shepard began to do push ups. Thane had never known a human to be able to beat a Krogan in such a contest, but if he knew any human who could, it would be Shepard. 

His thoughts were interrupted though when he heard someone approach from behind. He turned his head slightly, and noticed Tali, who joined beside him, watching the scene below. She giggled. 

“She is funny. She cannot think she can seriously win.” Tali said. 

“Hmm. She can be quite...stubborn, in these matters.” He said. Tali snorted. 

“That’s one word for it.” Tali said, and he could hear the smile in her voice as she watched Shepard begin to struggle with the pushups. They were about 40 in by now.

“...You have known Shepard for a while now, have you not, Tali?” Thane asked, curious. 

“Yes. I have.” She said, looking over at him, considering him for a moment. 

“It is good to know she has faithful companions around her. Ones who will come to her call.” Thane said, folding his hands behind his back, looking down at them. 

“She still needs you too, you know.” Tali said softly, her gentle nature showing as she touched Thane’s arm lightly. 

Thane nodded. 

“May I ask a favour of you?” He asked. Tali seemed surprised, but nodded. 

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Tali. I have no desire to leave, but I will, sooner rather than later. And we have no idea how long this will go on. So if you would indulge me...promise me that you will look after her once I am gone.” Thane said. He knew he must look desperate, but he needed someone to assure him she would be looked after. These were the harder conversations to have when one knows their death is imminent and looming ever closer. 

“Of course, Thane. We all will.” Tali said, reassuring him. He nodded, letting his gaze shift back to the push-up contest below. It brought his smile back as he watched Shepard collapse onto the floor, her arms splayed out comically, as Grunt got to his feet and began flexing. The crowd around them went wild, some of them looking disappointed at having just lost their pocket money. 

Grunt reached out to help Shepard off the floor, both of them laughing as they punched each others arms amicably. Shepard was always good like that, finding the best way to make a friend or relate to someone, and she seemingly did it so naturally. She would be alright without him, she had been up until their meeting anyways--she would know loss at his passing, but he was not like air she breathed, essential to life. She would live and be at peace in time, so long as she had her friends to look out for her. 


	12. A Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw sorry for grammatical errors or bad inconsistencies lol im raw doggin this fic lmao no editing just garbage hot off the press

Shepard was the one to find Thane. 

Seeing him made her heart drop. He was coughing, sitting on the stairs down to the engine room. 

“Thane?” She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he looked up for a moment before another wave of coughing overtook him. Thane felt embarrassed, weak, at Shepard being the one to find him here. He never wanted to burden her with this, with himself...

“Alright, come on. Time to see Chakwas. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Shepard says. Shepard wasted no time, looping her arm under him and around his back, draping his arm over her shoulders as she walked him to the medical bay. She caught the eyes of a few soldiers, who scurried away without a word as soon as she glared at them. 

“Chakwas!” Shepard called as the doors to the medical bay opened. Chakwas had been in the AI room, where her storage was, and she poked her head out, looking stunned at the sight of Thane for only a moment. She dropped what she was doing and hurried over, helping to get him on one of the beds. 

“What happened?”

“Coughing attack. I found him near the stairs.” Shepard said as Thane’s coughing eased up slightly. Chakwas packed the bed behind him with pillows so he could sit up, then wheeled over an oxygen tank. 

“Here. Use this as you need to.” She said, handing him the clear face mask, which was attached with a tube to the air tank. Thane breathed in, pressing it to his face, and Shepard felt relief when he was able to take in a breath. He leaned back against the pillows, closing his eyes, feeling ashamed at his own weakness. Shepard stood to the side with her arms folded over her chest as Chakwas took his vitals, checking him over. Shepard began pacing the length of the medical room, until Chakwas caught her arm, interrupting her. 

“Shepard. Can we speak?” She said softly. 

“Of course.” Shepard nodded, letting Chakwas guide her to the storage area. The AI computers hummed in chorus around them, giving off warm heat that stuck to Shepard’s skin as Chakwas let the door close behind them. Chakwas looked at her kindly, and Shepard knew that would just make her words sting worse, knowing that she, one of the most brilliant medical doctors Shepard had the pleasure to meet, could do nothing for Thane.

“Shepard, you have to know,” Chakwas said, “I mean, Mordin told me you two are…Close.”

“Yes...but I didn’t know it was...this bad.” Shepard said, running a hand over her eyes, exhaustion setting in. 

“I fear it’s getting worse by the day. We do what we can for him, but...There are days we can only ease the pain. He insists on fighting through it, most of the time, but I worry this recent attack will put him out of the game for a bit.” Chakwas said, looking concerned as she leaned against the metal rail behind her. 

“Why did I have to fall in love with a dying man, Chakwas?” Shepard mumbled, a pitying laugh to her voice.

“Fate is something that has followed you, Shepard, ever since I’ve known you. I think Thane is a part of that.” She said. “I am sorry I cannot do more.”

“It’s fine...you’ve done more than enough, Chakwas. Thank you.” Shepard said, giving her a kind, but tired, smile. 

“Come on then. Back to work.” Chakwas chipped, patting Shepard on the shoulder. The doors slid open again, and this time Shepard was pleased to hear Thane’s breathing at a normal rate now. He looked over at them, his eyes looking tired. 

“Siha.” He mumbled, removing the mask from his face. He held out his hand to her, and she took it. 

“Rest here for a bit. I’ll come check on you later.” Shepard said, taking his hand and giving it a fond squeeze. He nodded, letting her grip slip away from his. 

* * *

Shepard slipped away from the medical bay, trying her best to focus on her duties and reports she still had to hand in. Shepard spent hours going over the Normandy’s guns with Garrus, another few hours with Tali going over supplies distribution for the fleet, and another plotting courses with Joker. By the end of it, she was exhausted, and already missing several hours of sleep, but instead of letting her feet lead her to bed, she went to the medical bay instead. 

It was quiet inside, the windows tinted for sleeping hours, and with no sign of Chakwas, but there was one low light on a bedside stand, turned on, illuminating Thane’s sleeping form lying in the bed. He was propped up on an incline with pillows for better breathing, the oxygen mask on his face, but he didn’t awake as she approached, his breathing low and steady. The heart monitor to the side of the bed beeped in rhythm, sounding healthy, and she admired him a moment, his green skin striped with black taking on a warm tone beneath the low light. His large eyes were closed, and he wore a white plain t-shirt that showed off his toned arms, his hands resting on his stomach as he slept.

Shepard hesitated a few feet away for a moment before kicking off her shoes and removing her jacket, draping it on the back of the chair next to his bed. Instead of taking the seat next to the bed, she placed a hand on Thane’s arm. His eyes opened slowly at the feeling, and he shifted, seeing what she was up to as Shepard clamored into the bed next to him. He lifted the blankets and enjoyed the warmth of her as she draped her arm across his chest, lying on her side with her leg over his; humans were always so warm compared to his species. He lied his head fondly atop hers, brushing her hair with his hand as they drifted off to sleep together in the small hospital bed.


	13. Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its That scene but a little different and more detailed B)
> 
> NSFW below, you can skip this ch if u want, nothing plot involved here.

Thane felt nervous. He knew his Siha had a way of making him feel such juvenile emotions, but the  _ fear _ that gripped him tight on the eve of their upcoming suicide mission, and after his coughing fit in front of her had overtaken every rational thought in his body. His soul was terrified. 

Thane looked up at the nearest camera, speaking to Edi directly. 

“Edi, would you please alert the Commander I wish to speak with her, if she is available?” He asked politely, his hands folded behind his back and his shoulders straight. His breathing had returned to normal, but his heart beat fast with fear and self-doubt. 

“Of course. One moment, please, Thane.” Edi said. She had always liked the drell; he was polite and thoughtful, much nicer than she had found some others. 

“Thank you, Edi.” Thane said. A moment later, the door slid open, and Thane looked in to see Shepard lounging on her sofa. 

She was lovely, he thought to himself. She hadn’t changed out of her military uniform yet, but she had removed her gun belt and jacket, visibly hung on the back of her work chair at her desk. Her dark hair, normally done up in a tight bun, was loose around her freckled face as she looked up from the datapad on her lap, bright green eyes lighting up at the sight of him. Her smile was soft and welcoming as she set her datapad aside and he stepped in. 

“Edi, go bother someone else for a bit.” Shepard said aloud, not taking her eyes off Thane. It was a regular routine now, telling Edi to shut off any recording functions within her suite--Shepard liked keeping things private between them, and he had agreed. Neither of them wanted the entire universe peeking into their affairs--enough of their life was publicized and judged. They had both wanted this one thing for themselves, for as long as they could. And considering Thane’s regular line of work, it was best he stay in the shadows.

“Understood.” Edi said before signing off with a little robotic beep. 

“How are you?” Shepard asked, getting to her feet. He approached, taking her hands in his. His middle fingers, fused by webbing, fit oddly in her five-fingered hand, he marveled, but it was all that closer for it, skin against skin.

“Better. Thank you.” He said quietly. “It is...more my pride, that is damaged.” He admitted. He looked upset, she observed, and she went to reach out to him before he turned away, letting her hand fall from his. He paced about the room, seeming restless. 

“Siha...I...I have known I will die for many years. I’ve tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We’ve righted many wrongs. I’ve spoken to my son. I should be at peace on the eve of battle.” He said, punching Shepard’s desk at his last words. His shoulders were slumped in defeat as he leaned over the desk, and Shepard stepped towards him, reaching out. Her hand found his shoulder, and she stayed there, reassuring him.

“I’m...ashamed. I was so weak in front of you. I didn’t want you to see...” He gritted, willing his tears away, but knew they would come regardless. He felt Shepard’s warm hand on his face, and he turned to face her at last, tears finally breaking down his face. 

“I have worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I’ve done. Prepared. I consider my body’s death and a chill settles in my gut. I’m afraid, and it shames me.” he said, his words uneven, toned with anger and sadness all at once. 

“Thane...there is nothing to be ashamed of. Death is terrifying. I’m scared every day. But we have this, we have each other, for now. Your attack, and our mission tomorrow, just made me appreciate that I want to love you with whatever time we have left. I love you. Be alive with me tonight.” She said, whispering the last bit, searching his eyes. He looked down at her with wonder; how had the Gods chosen him for such a gift as her love and devotion. He was blessed with the woman in front of him, and he couldn’t help but smile at her.

He pulled her into a kiss, his fingers finding her soft hair and her waist, holding her close. Their passion for one another was all consuming, letting everything else fall away. He wanted to forget his coughing attack. He wanted to forget the Reapers. The war. His illness. And Shepard felt the same; The nightmares, the guilt and the constant duties of running humanity’s last hope. They let it all fall away as they embraced, her arms draping over his shoulders as he pulled her close, his strong arm around her waist, the other pressing her lips closer to his, his hand in her hair.

When Shepard moaned into his lips, Thane moved quickly, scooping Shepard up by her thighs, lifting her. She gave a small squeal of surprise as he put her onto her desk, steadying himself between her legs that she hooked behind his knees. His lips found hers again and he kissed with a fire that Shepard hadn’t known from him, and she supposed she was too. Staring death in the face on multiple fronts had set them in their passion. 

Thane’s hands massaged her thighs, his thumbs brushing the inside of them lightly, sending a chill of anticipation through her. She let her hands push his coat off, the heavy leather falling to the floor with a soft thunk as he bit on her bottom lip, making her gasp at the sensation. He sighed into her, pushing at her shirt that she was quick to push off, her breasts still confined by her black sports bra. 

Shepard breath hitched as papers that had been on her desk fell to the floor when she used her hand to support herself against Thane’s pressing form. One of his hands moved around her waist, pulling her closer to the edge as his lips found her neck, kissing her and breathing her name against gentle skin. His lips found his ear, and he whispered gently to her. 

“I love you, Siha. Let me show you.” He said before placing a trail of kisses down her neck and collarbone. Her fingers trailed down the ridges on the back of his head that disappeared down his back, hidden beneath his shirt. She could feel his dick, hard, pressed against her and she grinded her hips against him. 

“Thane…please...” She breathed, and it was all the permission he needed, a plea for more. He tried his best to concentrate on her skin, leaving kisses on her skin as he went lower, kissing her breasts. She gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulder and he took one of her nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue over her in a circular motion. Her head fell back in pleasure, and her eyes closed, enjoying the sensation just as his hand found her warmth through her pants. He applied the pressure of his palm, and she sighed when his hands moved to take the pants off of her.

His lips fell from her breast, and he was quick in removing her pants and underwear, she doing the same to him, pushing his tights off of him, both of them looking disheveled and in pure ecstasy. He pulled her close, their naked forms against one another, contrasting in every way. His skin, green with black striped, had a scaled texture to it, and he was cool to the touch, his muscles strong and sineau beneath it. She on the other hand, was warm, surprisingly delicate beneath her armour, warm pink skin soft to the touch in a way Thane could only liken to silk. His fingers found the scars on her back, gunshots and knife wounds scattered over her like a galaxy pattern, each holding their own story. 

Shepard found Thane’s lips again as he let himself push into her, his hands finding her ass and holding her close to the edge of her desk. Her hands flittered to his shoulders, holding onto him as he breathed at the feeling of her tightness around him. He looked at Shepard, whose pupils were dilated, and she nodded at him. He moved, and began at a relentless pace, unable to contain himself with her. He wanted more of her with every moment,  _ needed _ to show her his devotion. He bit her bottom lip, and she sighed when his tongue passed over the spot he had just bit, soothing her.

Thane’s free hand that didn’t hold Shepard against him found her warmth as he fucked her, and he smiled into her lips. He activated his biotics, just enough to send a wave of pleasure to Shepard’s clit. She broke away from his kiss at the sensation, gasping, staring at him with large eyes. He paused.

“Too much?” He asked. 

“Don’t you dare stop.” She breathed, pulling him close again. 

Thane didn’t last long with Shepard’s moans into his lips, the feeling of her tight walls clenching around him as he pressed into her too much to take. He moaned with her, but kept going, having no intention of stopping tonight. His thumb massaged her clit in circles as he sent out pleasurable waves of power through his fingers, channeling it to be just enough to drive her mad, feeling each ridge of his cock as he fucked her on the desk. He came watching her, overcome by the pleasure he gave her, but didn’t dare stop. He was under strict orders, after all. 

Shepard seemed in the same line of thought, her nails raking down his back as he moved his hips and cum dripped down her legs. When Thane broke their kiss to watch her as they fucked, she threw her head back, letting her hands support her as Thane held her hips. He appreciated the curve of her breasts, bouncing with each thrust, and the way her cheeks reddened, her breath coming out in panting gasps. 

He felt possessive of her, then. This was  _ his _ Shepard. The Shepard no one else got to see, blushing and wanting, her skin wet with sweat and tasting of a salty sea. No one else in the universe could see his Shepard as he did, and his fingers dug into her hips, fucking her harder, turning her low moans into cries of pleasure, datapads and papers falling to the floor as they fucked on her desk. While he enjoyed the view of her, like this, her legs wrapped around his, her arms supporting herself, hair messy and falling out of her bun, he wanted to try something else. 

He removed himself from her, even though the desire to be with her was almost overwhelming, and he turned her over onto her stomach, gripping her hips and pressing himself against her entrance. One hand moved to her ass, and the other to her hair, removing her hair tie and gripping her dark locks tightly and pulling as he thrust into her warmth.

Shepard moaned at the feeling of his hands in her hair, pulling her back as he bent her over her desk. Again, he kept a quick pace, skin slapping against skin as their moans came in time with one another's, until she could feel Thane let go of her hair, leaning over her and leaving kisses and nips on her neck. He whispered to her, the subharmonics of his voice echoing to her core. It was all she could do to hold onto the edge of her desk, her head pressed against it’s glass top. 

“Siha...come with me my love…” he whispered in her ear, and she did as he asked, coming as he bit the hallow of her neck, leaving small marks as he came in her. She was used to the feeling now, but it was still  _ a lot _ . Her body was delirious with pleasure as he rested atop her, and she enjoyed the weight of him, leaving kisses on her back, both of them catching their breath. 

Thane removed himself from Shepard, and she would have stayed on her desk if he hadn’t scooped her up into his arms. She was surprised by the sudden motion, but thankful when he lied her on her soft bed, following after her and lying next to her. His arm was draped over her waist, playing with her fingers, as his chest pressed against her back, placing kisses on her neck. She relaxed against him, thinking of nothing in particular, just enjoying the feeling of him lying next to her. 

“Thane.” Shepard whispered in the quiet of their embrace. 

“Shepard.” He said, his fingers tracing hers absentmindedly. 

“I love you.” She said, knowing it was the first time she had said it aloud to him. She couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed at it, a bit childish, but it was true, and if she were to die tomorrow on their mission, she didn’t want to die without telling him. 

She felt Thane’s hand move from hers to her shoulder, turning her to look at him. His hand found her face, cupping her cheek gently. 

“I love you deeply, Siha.” He said. “But do not say farewell yet. We have tonight and if we are fated to die tomorrow, then we will see each other across the sea.”

He kissed her lightly before pulling her into a tight hug. She could hear his heart beating beneath his chest that she pressed her face to, closing her eyes and letting herself enjoy the embrace of her lovers arm, for just one more night. 


	14. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didnt wanna write all of the final battle from ME2 because im lazy so heres the aftermath
> 
> good news, theres gonna be another part to this series because ME3 exists and is even MORE sad so why not. the bad news is its gonna be sad. of course.

Shepard looked at her crew, unsure of what to say. Half of them were not present, being attended to in the med-bay, having just defeated a giant Reaper. She was exhausted, thinking of all the crew members that they had lost, and Shepard let herself slump over the table, seated in a chair at the mess hall table. Thane, Jack, Grunt, Tali, Miranda, Samara and Garrus hung about as well, talking amongst themselves about what they had all just witnessed, and the next steps. 

“Boss, you alright?”

Shepard heard Garrus ask, and she grunted in reply, letting the cool marble of the table press against the skin of her warm forehead. She felt his talons on her arm, and she sighed, waving him off, leaning back in her chair again. 

“I’m fine. I’m just thinking.” She said, a bit grumpy. “We need to turn the Normandy in. I won’t have you all wanted and hunted like I will be if im on the lam.”

“What? We’re not gonna keep flying around, sweeping up the bad guys?” Jack protested, leaning on her elbow. The others, too, Shepard noticed, were surprised. 

“No. I did what I came to do with Cerberus, and I got my answers. I’m dropping you all off at whatever port you need, and then i’m turning myself, and the Normandy, in. The council won’t be happy I went so far off the deep end.” Shepard said, rubbing her temples. “But I’m tired of running. And they need to listen to us. The Reapers are coming, and if we don’t stop them, we’re all doomed.”

There was a quiet around the table as they considered that it was not an option; Shepard had already made up her mind. 

“I’d better go tell Joker.” Shepard said, standing and pushing away from the table. She couldn’t look at them, the guilt of having lost so many of the crew eating away at her as she hurried out of the room. 

Shepard knew the footsteps that followed her to the elevator, the sound of the light steps familiar to her now. Thane stood next to her in the elevator as the doors closed. 

Wordlessly, he took her hand. He didn’t say anything, but just held it, squeezing lightly. He knew there was nothing he could do to take the pain away; He had suffered it himself many times over. The pain of feeling, of caring, was overwhelming, and Shepard let herself collapse then.

Thane caught her, his strong arm around her waist as her hardened expression broke, turning into sobs that she muffled with Thane’s jacket. He held her, soothing her with a hand moving in circles across her back, humming to her in a way she had become accustomed to when he meant to comfort her. They both knew that they were coming to their end; Shepard would turn the Normandy in tomorrow to the Council, and they would not be able to see one another any longer. Shepard would likely be court martialed. Thane would disappear into the millions on the Citadel with his son, still a known wanted criminal. Their friends would return to their families. After years of being thought dead, Shepard felt she had barely lived, and the thought of losing Thane, losing her friends, being locked away while screaming about the impending Reaper invasion...it was too much for her soul to bear.

Thane moved slightly, and she knew he was hitting the elevator button to her quarters instead of the bridge where she had been planning to go. She trusted him, letting herself cry as he escorted her to her room, telling Edi aloud to find each crew members desired destination and to inform Joker. He added that she was not to be disturbed for the evening.

The doors of her room slid closed behind them, and Thane led her to her bed. Shepard lied down in it, and Thane followed her, pressing his chest against her back, his arm draped over her waist as he spoke quietly at last. 

“Siha. I know I cannot lessen your pain now, but you did all you could. You have saved so many. I love you, and I will pray that Amonkira takes your pain away.” Thane said, pressing a gentle kiss to her ear as she sobbed into a pillow that she hugged to her chest. She didn’t feel worthy of such love, but she couldn’t leave the embrace of him, needing to be tied to the present so she wouldn’t drift in her misery.

Shepard fell asleep to the sounds of ancient prayers being whispered to her in a language older than humanity.

* * *

Shepard looked at Thane. 

He wore his jacket as usual, the brown and black leather hiding the black stripes over his smooth green skin. He looked down at Shepard, just a bit taller than she, and he pressed his lips to hers. He didn’t care who was around, who would see; in fact, half the crew was milling about the cargo bay of the Citadel, saying their goodbyes as they left the Normandy before the authorities got there. 

His lips were soft against hers, gentle and sweet as he held her one last time, remembering every curve of her beneath his fingers. When he finally released her from his kiss, they stayed together, foreheads touching as they spoke. 

“We will see each other again, Siha.” Thane said. 

“Maybe. If I don’t rot in prison for desertion.” She snorted. He smiled, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

“They would not dare.” He said. His eyes were suddenly focused on something just over Shepards shoulder, and she noticed, turning to look. Her eyes followed his, and she spotted Kolyat, not far off. He gave them a small wave, and Shepard felt a bit embarrassed, his kid seeing them so intimate. He brought her attention back to him though when his hand cupped her cheek. 

“Siha. I love you.”

“I love you too, Thane. Now get out of here before C-Sec gets here to actually do their jobs for once.” She pressed another kiss to his lips quickly before letting him go, stepping away. Thane’s arms felt empty without her to embrace. Thane hesitated, but nodded. 

“Write me.” He said.

“I will.” She nodded. 

And with that, Thane was gone, disappearing into the crowds of the citadel with his son. 


End file.
